Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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