PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
