One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
