Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
