Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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