youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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