brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
