ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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