No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
