Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
