So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
