high people should be assigned attendants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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