im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
