guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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