i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
