The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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