didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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