Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
