Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
