We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
