its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
