What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
