brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
