Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
