Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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