dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
