There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
