I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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