Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
