Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
