haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She bit a glass in half.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
