Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone signed my nipple.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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