I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
