I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
