then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
