The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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