I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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