it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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