He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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