you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
