Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
