she was so not down for the gang bang
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
