Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
