Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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