I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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