I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
