I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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