i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
