Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
