if i can run in heels then i can drive
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
